“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~Theodore Roosevelt
Versions of this quote have been attributed to several people. In his 1927 poem, Desiderata, Max Ehrmann cautioned, "If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."
Regardless of who first made this statement, the message remains the same - if you're always comparing yourself to other people, you will disregard your own achievements and you will never truly be happy.
Themes of comparing oneself to others have arisen repeatedly in my work with clients lately. This isn’t surprising really, since opportunities to observe and compare happen constantly – on tv and social media, at work and in school. In all the cases I have seen, this comparison has created feelings of inferiority, notions of failed success, and/or a sense of urgency.
Last night I had a very real moment in which it was time to admit that I am doing the same thing. I have had a very stressful time over the last six weeks, and I have been beating myself up about not keeping up with the Inua ᐃᓄᐊ social media accounts. I hear myself saying that "every other business owner can do it - why can't I??"
First, that is a serious thought-distortion - not EVERY other business owner is keeping up with social media. Second, maybe those business owners aren't dealing with a bunch of other stuff right now.
By focusing on this one aspect of business ownership, and by comparing myself to others, I am disregarding all the effort I am putting into the rest of my life right now and failing to celebrate all the amazing things I HAVE done with my business!
Comparison is stealing my joy.
Does this resonate with you? If so, here are some ways to stop letting comparison steal your joy:
1) Recognize when you are doing it! The first step to changing a problem is recognizing the problem. Start to become more mindful of your tendency to compare yourself to others, and then – interrupt it!
2) Replace your thought with something more positive. When you catch yourself making a comparison and interrupt it, immediately replace the thought with a counter thought about something positive about yourself, something you are doing well, or something that you have accomplished.
3) Regularly engage in affirmation and gratitude practices. This means being your own cheerleader and patting yourself on the back. It also means naming something that you are grateful for each and every day. With these simple (regular) practices, you can retrain your brain to see yourself and your world more positively.
REMEMBER! What we focus on, grows.
