“Women need other women in their lives who think they are a big deal. No competition, no backhanded comments, no jealousy, just an “I love you, I support you and there is no one on earth like you” kind of energy.” ~ Chelsea Handler
When I was younger, I didn’t like other girls. I was never really close to other girls, and those I had been close to at one time or another thought nothing of betraying me, lying, cutting me out, or treating me like a secret. Twice I was beaten up (yes, seriously) by the same girl (and three of her friends) because (according to her) I was hanging around with her boyfriend (the father of her child). Truth be told, he was just one in a group of guys I hung around with, and he was not the guy I was hoping would notice me.
In my 20’s, I worked in a male-dominated industry. I was popular, I was included, and I had a lot of friends. Only…all their girlfriends hated me. Sometimes I could tell, other times the guy would confide in me that they had fought about me being around; and then other times, the girl would tell me herself that she didn’t like me at first…later…when we were “friends.” It was one such “friend” that once told to me that I was the only friend that had never stabbed her in the back…she later stabbed me in the back.
In my adult life, I have met some (seemingly) amazing women – knowledgeable, helpful, encouraging – only to hear them bashing or making fun of another woman, belittling the accomplishments of other women. It’s defeating to realize that someone you looked up to is just a high school “mean girl.” It is such a turn off. And sometimes, there are friends that just don’t have the capacity to show up for me, no matter how many times I show up for them.
I saw a video posted to social media this week; in it, three women sit in a sauna, laughing at and recording an unsuspecting woman while she changes in the adjacent dressing room. I wonder what happened to these women that they think it is acceptable to betray another woman’s safety in this way…or maybe, what didn’t happen to them.
Because, despite the backstabbing and betrayal that has happened to me, finding a truly supportive and loyal female friend has also happened to me. I was 15 when I met the woman that remains my best friend to this day. A couple of years older than me, she has graced my life with wisdom and empowerment. She validates me, encourages me, cheers me on from the sidelines, and always answers my call for help. Because of her friendship, I was empowered to leave abusive relationships, pursue a degree, follow my dreams, enjoy my own company and trust my intuition.
My sister, too, is a woman that always has my back, encourages me to grow, loves me enough to be honest even when it is hard, cries with me, and celebrates all of my achievements. And another dear friend from junior high, who is just like a sister to me, who may not be in touch regularly but always supports me and answers my call when I need her, who has shown up for me time and again for more than 30 years. These are the woman who have also happened in my life.
I wholeheartedly believe that having these women in my corner has fostered a sense of solidarity that allowed me to stand up for myself, empowered me to use my voice and succeed in my endeavors, encouraged me to believe that I really am a big deal! No competition, no backhanded comments, no jealousy – just an “I love you, I support you and there is no one on earth like you” kind of energy. This is what International Women's Day is all about.
