"There are no rules for surviving holiday grief. Do what you need to do to survive."
~ Angela Millar
The holiday season is often seen as a time for celebration, joy, and togetherness. It’s a period marked by festive gatherings, gift-giving, and traditions that bring families and friends closer. However, for many, the holidays can also bring feelings of sadness, longing, and even isolation. Grief has a unique way of surfacing during this time of year, especially for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one.
Whether it’s the first holiday without someone dear or a particular holiday that just still feels heavy, grief and the holidays can seem like an impossible combination to navigate. But it is possible to find ways to cope, heal, and honour your feelings during this emotionally complex season. Here’s how to manage grief during the holidays while still allowing yourself space for healing.
Understanding the Struggle: Why the Holidays Are Harder
The holidays are filled with memories and traditions, many of which were shared with loved ones who are no longer around. These traditions, like cooking a favorite meal, decorating the tree, or exchanging gifts, often take on an even deeper significance when we face their absence.
In addition to this, the external pressure to be cheerful and present for celebrations can make it even harder to deal with the weight of grief. Social media, commercials, and movies often portray a picture-perfect holiday season, which can make feelings of sadness, loneliness, or even anger feel out of place. For those mourning, it can seem as though everyone else is moving forward while they are stuck in a space of loss.
Allow Yourself to Feel
The first step in coping with grief during the holidays is to give yourself permission to feel. Grief doesn’t follow a timetable, and the emotional weight of loss can come in waves, sometimes more intensely during special occasions like the holidays.
If you feel sadness, it’s okay to cry. If you feel numb, it’s okay to be quiet. If you feel angry or overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a step back from certain traditions or events. Recognizing and accepting your emotions is key to processing grief. No feeling is wrong during this time. Your experience of loss is unique, and so is the way you respond to it.
Create New Traditions or Modify Old Ones
The holidays don’t have to look the same as they did before. While it can be painful to let go of old traditions, it might also be helpful to create new ones or modify existing ones in a way that honors your grief. This can be a small change or something significant that allows you to adapt while keeping the essence of the holidays intact.
For example, you could:
Light a candle in memory of your loved one.
Make a donation in their name to a cause they cared about.
Prepare their favorite dish and share it with others as a way to celebrate their memory.
Volunteer to help others who are also experiencing hardship during the season.
These simple acts can provide comfort and help you feel connected to your loved one in a meaningful way. They also allow you to acknowledge and express your grief while still participating in the holiday spirit.
Set Boundaries
Grief can be exhausting, both emotionally and physically, especially during a time when there are many demands on your time and energy. It’s important to set boundaries that feel right for you.
You don’t have to attend every gathering, party, or event. If you feel like you need time alone to rest, reflect, or simply recharge, it’s okay to say no. Your well-being is the priority, and people who care about you will understand. If you do choose to attend gatherings, it may help to set limits on how long you stay, or to bring a trusted friend who can support you if needed.
Reach Out for Support
You don’t have to go through this alone. Grief can make us feel isolated, but reaching out for support can provide comfort. Whether it’s talking to a friend, joining a support group, or speaking with a counsellor, sharing your feelings can help alleviate the burden.
During the holidays, many grief support groups hold special sessions or events for those who are struggling, offering a space for people to connect and share their experiences. Sometimes, just knowing that others understand your pain can be incredibly healing.
Take Care of Yourself
Grief takes a toll on both our emotional and physical health, so it’s important to prioritize self-care during this time. Make sure to eat well, get enough rest, and engage in activities that bring you peace, whether it’s walking outside, reading a comforting book, or simply sitting quietly. If the demands of the holidays are overwhelming, give yourself permission to take a break when needed.
Simple acts of self-compassion can go a long way in helping you stay grounded amidst the emotional whirlwind of the season.
Finding Meaning in the Season
The holidays are often viewed as a time of joy, but they can also be a time to reflect on the deeper meaning of life and love. Grief can teach us to appreciate the preciousness of time, to cherish our memories, and to connect with others in ways that honour both our pain and our hope.
Instead of focusing on what is missing, try to find meaning in what remains. The love you shared with your loved one continues to live on in your heart, and that love can transcend the absence. The holidays don’t erase the grief, but they can provide an opportunity for healing and for honoring the lasting impact of those who have gone.
Do What You Need to Survive Grief and the Holidays
Grief doesn’t take a holiday, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find ways to navigate the season with love and care for yourself. The holidays are complex, filled with both sorrow and joy, and it’s important to give yourself the space to experience both. By honouring your feelings, creating new traditions, and reaching out for support, you can find your own path through the season.
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, healing is not linear, and it’s okay to take things one day at a time.
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